Whatever your passion turns out to be is a combination of what you’re into, your circumstances, and what happens to fall across your path, added to what you decide to spend your time on and what you’re willing to take risks to do more of, with a just a tiny dash of natural talent.
You have an frighteningly long list of things to do, many with deadlines, many of those deadlines pressing. Have you gotten traction on those things? No? I can tell you why, without even knowing what they are: you don’t know your next action.
Imagine having your big creative project actually finished. What would it be like to have it out in the world? What would that do for your self-esteem? How might it connect you to other people? What kinds of professional opportunities might come up as a result?
The only way to get to that result is to focus on one goal.
Idea Debt is when you spend too much time picturing what a project is going to be like, too much time thinking about how awesome it will be to have this thing done and in the world, too much time imagining how cool you will look, how in demand you’ll be, how much money you’ll make. And way too little time actually making the thing.
Living as a creative person is a marathon, not a sprint. Do you want to be painting, or singing, or writing poetry at 90? You won’t finish your creative marathon strong without hitting your stride a hell of a lot sooner.